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Full Version: Crimson , the Fallen [Very Long]
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I assume that not many people know about me anymore, as I went more low-profile since my downfall as a respected mod of online sequencer.

But this is not an introductory thread. As I had already written my self-introduction in my Originals thread.

This is an apology. From your once-loved, now hated ex-mod of Online Sequencer.

I'm not sure whether most of you know about what I did some months ago. So I'm going to briefly summarize it right here and give a proper apology.

I was the nicest moderator you could ever find on OS.

Who would help out anyone in need, any time of the day.

As my timezone was exactly 12 hours ahead of the majority of OS members who reside in the US. And I barely slept at night, spending most of my time regulating the OS chat, giving tips on making music and chatting the night away.

It was truly the happiest time in my life. Being loved. And feeling needed.

But masks can't be kept on forever.

Eventually, my wounded ego and insecure side surfaced.

I struggled badly to keep my emotions in check. My mind yearning for a way to fill my emotional void.

I love myself a lot of attention. More than what I could ever have.

I loved whoever who had shown care to me.

And I can't stand being left alone.

So I clawed and wailed and reached out to everyone , hoping to get the slightest trace of attention that I needed.

And I got my way.

However, the more I do it, the more attention I needed. And the less everyone cares.

"Oh Crimson, she's just a drama queen."

I wanted someone to understand me.

To talk to me and care to me whenever I needed it.

A warm hug through my darkest, coldest, loneliest nights.

Someone to be there to comfort me instead of me needing to cry myself to sleep.

I would accept whoever that approaches me. No matter how they treated other people. I believed that they were just understood.
So I stood for them until the very end. I would fight who opposed me and them. Even though they were lying. Even though I had my doubts.

I was naive.

So my life became even more miserable than it was. My world broke into pieces. Reputation shattered. My mind slipped.

Until I quit my role as a moderator.

People who used to like me, I'm sorry.

For I had changed my very first intentions.

For I had become needy and stubborn.

For I never listened anymore.

I accept the fact that I'm not needed anymore in this community.

I accept the fact that I had went out of the loop.

I accept the fact that I had been running from reality.

I accept the fact that I had made mistakes.

And here I'm taking the first step towards admitting who I am and making improvements.

You have the right to not forgive me. And criticize me for all that I did.

You have the right to ignore me.

While I keep making trash music that no one really needs.

Though I'd really like everything to start over again.

Helping people on OS.

Making them happy.
(11-11-2018, 12:05 PM)honestly i cant be here just Wrote: [ -> ]ok

Idk, when I think of "Crimson" all I think of is "person who can compose," but if you need emotional support on being an attention hog, two can play at that game. Wink
Seriously though, I had no idea you were an attention hog. I must have been out of the loop or something.
Darn it, I didn't intend to sound sarcastic, but when I read the above in my head it sounds sarcastic.
I feel as if I played a part in this... sorry about that. I guess early on I took advantage of someone who was sad and tried to use it to make me feel better. When I realised that I couldn't keep it up, I hurt you a lot. Sorry
Funny how when I was sad about my love life, I forgot to keep our friendship alive. I guess it hurt to try to bring up something that was dead. I was a horrible friend in the end...
If you've changed and people can't forgive you, that's on them. I noticed the attention seeking a bit tbh, but I don't care, life's too short to hold onto grudges.
I never had anything against you to begin with, and everyone fucks up here and there from time to time. I may not be available all the time cause college is a thing, but if you need someone to talk to and I happen to be around, feel free to drop a whisper, I'll hear you out ^^

Starting over may not be as hard as you might think. You should probably be active on the chat again since a lot of new people come around and ask for help/feedback.
(11-11-2018, 10:56 PM)Alex! Wrote: [ -> ]Funny how when I was sad about my love life, I forgot to keep our friendship alive. I guess it hurt to try to bring up something that was dead. I was a horrible friend in the end...

I think it's okay. Would still like to be friends with you btw if you'd like to.

Also I don't think you are half bad as a friend-
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