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Lucent I don’t know if you’ll read this but this is me ranting again and coming to a decision…

I used to have 3 monitors.. 1 of them started breaking down pixel by pixel until it isn’t useable anymore…  and the second one I broke out of rage due to playing chess just a moment ago.

I always break my own property because I have 0 self temper control.

To tell you the absolute truth I hate about myself: what I really want is to be called a ‘genius’ at something, I want to be famous, better than everyone at ‘something’, I want to someone people look up to, I want to be someone rich and overall I just want to be a generic show off.

I find music theory boring, I could never want to read it, I don’t even have the patience to learn songs on a piano, so I’m not someone who could become a composer for real, I don’t know what I was thinking.

I played chess, I lose to everyone in chess but I so badly want to be good at it but no I don’t want to because I get so frustrated from it when I lose, I always lose at it.  Fuck chess. I can never be better than a mere beginner at the game and if I do win I show off and I’m usually always cocky about everything.

I guess I’m not good at anything so what do I resort to? Finding attention from friends?
I’m trying so fucking hard always to be friends with everyone, yet I always ruin my friendships due to my own flaws, when it comes to love, It’s impossible to me to have a ‘love relationship’ with someone because I always get called selfish or some stupid shit that I’m the one ruining my friendships, and that I’m selfish, that I don’t care about others, that it’s my fault and yes I fucking get it but my own inner demons are killing me and making me depressed with me trying hide it and I don’t know what to do else than run away from everyone so I can at least stop ruining everything that I build up because I hate it when people bring up my flaws that I am completely aware of... I am done, I am giving up on the ‘marbles of life’ these are: Enjoying life with company, whether it be friends or a person that I love. I am pushing this all away officially until I can get myself together and be a better person and I don’t think this will ever happen knowing who I am and who I’ve been the past years. I can not prove to myself ANYTHING that I promise myself, or promises to other people, I always break them… This is my breaking point. There is nothing more in my mind going on other than shit that I hate.
I’m coming to the conclusion that solitude by isolation can not just make others happy that I don’t exist in their lives, and that it can stop me from thinking miserable shit about everything, about my past, about people, what others think of me, etc etc etc…….. I want it to stop. I blocked A, he’s going away to another city in a couple of weeks anyways and after that I’ll never see him again. I have nothing in common with that user ‘B’ anymore, the other real life friend, he doesn’t care or has actually ever really cared about the friendship we have had, he’s just ‘there’ so to say, as sad as it seems like, I have never been able to open up to him because he’s not that kind of guy who’d .. want to… whatever. I have no friends in real life anymore… All my adult friends have other things in their life, some have moved away, and the only adult friend I’ll actually have… is someone who’s about to get married and that means I can never spend time to play games or hangout with him again. So I honestly have no one.
Lucent you’re the only one that cares, but Lucent this has nothing to do with you, you’re the only one I can say these things to, and you’re the only one that can understand. But as you can see, my thinking is disgusting and I really want to do something about it. I’ll be gone from any chat related sites for a month… I want to avoid anyone as much as possible because I need time for myself. If a month (seems quite short to me) is not long enough time to make me change then I’ll come back to OS, but I only compose because I want others to listen to my songs, what would be the point without that reasoning.,... I don’t get why some people don’t advertise…. maybe there’s a reason dude Idk now I’m sidetracking again.
TL;DR Isolating myself for a month. Not because of you or anyone else on OS, but because I want to change my persona and to stop ruining my friendships. If I haven’t changed after that short time, I will extend my time. I don’t expect anyone to miss me, in fact when I succeed in changing, I will start over with other usernames who knows where on the internet I end up. The only person I really want to keep talk to is you if you still after my fucked up thinking still want to but for now, I’ll be gone for some time but Benjo asked me if I’ll eventually return and I will…
any user registered after 2018 can't compose... all they know is reverb, use major keys, chat, be 8-bit, megalo and lie
> You have 2 unread private messages. The most recent is from MyBB Engine titled Lucent is abusing her mod privilages
Hey guys, I was suggested by Bork to post a ballot here so here goes.

I've used this website off and on for nearly 6 years and would like to become a moderator of this website.

I have basic experience using the sequencer and I know how the interface works. I can answer almost all questions related to using the sequencer, I want to help more people get established to using this site. I don't have coding experience though. I understand all of the website rules and will not be terribly strict with moderation.

I have a general workflow and I'm active between 12 pm to 3 pm on most days unless I'm off of my job. I am more active on weekends usually.

As of lately I am getting along greatly with the newer members and am a hell of alot more positive than I used to be. I enjoy everyone's company in chat and get along with everyone. This will be the same since I have become a better person.

I hope that even if some of you don't agree with this ballot and vote against me, that I can continue to get along with all of you. I will not take it against anyone if I don't get accepted, I am happy to be a member of this site.

Thank all of you for reading this, I hope you all have a great day.
No. More. Saying. Cuss words! It. Is. Not. Good. I'm putting a video on YouTube about no more saying cuss words. No more saying cuss words guys! It's inappropriate and violent! If you say a cuss word then you're like, going to jail, and you're like, and when you go to jail, i- ba- when you go to jail, if you say, if you say a cuss word you go to jail and if you go to jail cause you said a cuss word, then... You're only gonna eat BROCCOLI and OTHER VEGETABLES for your WHOLE LIFE. You don't want to eat vegeta
Ever since I first laid my eyes on bork at the Nike outlet, it has been my life dream to marry him there. I've dedicated years rising the ranks within the Asheville Outlets department in order to obtain the authority of holding our wedding in this very place. I've already contacted Nike HR to issue an annual work holiday for this event as it is important that the venue is closed to random oncoming customers that have no sense in being at the scene.
Ever since I first laid my eyes on luce at the Nike outlet, it has been my life dream to marry her there. I've dedicated years rising the ranks within the Asheville Outlets department in order to obtain the authority of holding our wedding in this very place. I've already contacted Nike HR to issue an annual work holiday for this event as it is important that the venue is closed to random oncoming customers that have no sense in being at the scene. So far, a healthy selection of luce pictures have been comp
Luflan no one is bullying you just said you are better .I didn’t even mute you . I don even know how to mute people.and I didn’t come for that reason. Plus I’m not a liberal . I’m just complex and loving if you can also be lovingly respectful .I would respect you if you can do that .Im ok with everyone in the chat . ?I don shade or make anyone feel bad , just have different perspectives on things. But everyone should respect our opinions.on a basis .zLol I’m here to have dun that’s it.??????????☺️☺️???I hope your happy now .
sincerely Chika
Bork! how DARE you put inch long spring onions with my poorly fried shrimps???? me and my ancestors from the east have collectively decided to excommunicate you from the kitchen. dont you even think that your bottle of szechuan sauce will redeem the faults of your labor!!! the deities can not forgive the accident of long cut scallions put in such fodder dish. your are CURSED bork. cursed!
*In the most delightfully savoury of voices, with a tone smoother than honey and deeper than the sea, with that classic and wonderfully mischevious smile, with the warm shadows cast by the dim candlelight on my beautiful, yet natural face, with the almighty shining stars high above peacefully watching from the heavens through the impossibly clear skies, with the sounds of the crickets, and the wind through the leaves of the tall and ancient oaks and elms, with the playful splashing of the river to the south, with the most beautiful shine in my deep and soulful eyes, and a cool summer breeze blowing magic through my long, flowing, perfect brown hair, with the fireflies dancing wonderfully through the evening air, with a sip of the impossibly delicious wine* Want to play Minecraft with me?
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