03-22-2022, 10:04 AM
I'm sorta tired of explaining this to people, and I reference this a lot, so I'm gonna share it on a thread post so yall can be educated and know what I'm talking about.
At age seven, I was getting an MRI scan. I had been feeling a pit in my lower stomach accompanied by minor pain. This had been going on for about a month, and my parents and I had grown worried. As we looked at the results, and the doctor was pointing things out to me because I'm a child, he noticed something irregular in my lower stomach, and excused himself. Five minutes later, he came back out, and pulled us into the lead doctor's office, where after extensive cross referencing, they came back with bad news and good news. The bad news was that they had a confirmed diagnosis-- I had HIV(iirc), and already with my frail health, it was likely to be fatal if not treated immediately. Funnily enough, this was in no way tied to my pain. The good news, however, was they found it probably days after the first stages of infection began, and I could be saved. I was referred to a hospital, and we were scheduled for the next day. After that it was a blur, all up until the anesthetic wore off and the surgery was done. To save me, they had to literally remove my reproductive organs. Cervix, ovaries, uterus, fallopian tubes, all of it. I had a large stitched up scar across my belly, and underneath it felt hollow. A few weeks after the surgery, I was free to go home. As I grew up, however, I realized that this wasn't necessarily a change that wouldn't effect me. My dominant gene is my European dad's, and as I realized that having a lack of ovaries meant vastly decreased estrogen levels, I realized I wasn't developing into a normal female, not just because when other people started complaining about their period and being jealous that I don't get one, but also with my facial features. I looked, and look, more masculine, in my opinion. We were in no position to fix this, we couldn't afford to buy female hormones for me. As I developed more, I found myself rather incomplete. I was low in most bodily hormones, and my libido was non existent. I began to spiral down into depression, anxiety, and intense dysphoria. I felt incomplete, like a piece of me was missing, and I looked like the furthest thing from being female, let alone Asian. My voice sounded like it was trying to decide whether to stay at it's high pitch, or deepen as it should be. Today, I have an alto-tenor voice with a two-octave range. As I began the stage in most peoples lives when physical sexual development began, my body somehow managed to give me a feminine figure, and I'll be honest, it felt attractive. This ended up being my only light in my dysphoria, that I may not have the perfect face, but I have a rather appealing body. My growth spurt hit hard as well. Being mostly European, I grew way above average. To put into perspective, I am currently 6 feet tall. Although this sucks, and I would much rather be short if i had the choice, there were some perks. Today, I am mostly out of my depression and anxiety, but my dysphoria still remains, naturally, and am sure it will stay for most of, if not the rest of my life.
So that's my story of how I lost my organs. Hope yall know what I'm talking about when I mention it every now and then now.
At age seven, I was getting an MRI scan. I had been feeling a pit in my lower stomach accompanied by minor pain. This had been going on for about a month, and my parents and I had grown worried. As we looked at the results, and the doctor was pointing things out to me because I'm a child, he noticed something irregular in my lower stomach, and excused himself. Five minutes later, he came back out, and pulled us into the lead doctor's office, where after extensive cross referencing, they came back with bad news and good news. The bad news was that they had a confirmed diagnosis-- I had HIV(iirc), and already with my frail health, it was likely to be fatal if not treated immediately. Funnily enough, this was in no way tied to my pain. The good news, however, was they found it probably days after the first stages of infection began, and I could be saved. I was referred to a hospital, and we were scheduled for the next day. After that it was a blur, all up until the anesthetic wore off and the surgery was done. To save me, they had to literally remove my reproductive organs. Cervix, ovaries, uterus, fallopian tubes, all of it. I had a large stitched up scar across my belly, and underneath it felt hollow. A few weeks after the surgery, I was free to go home. As I grew up, however, I realized that this wasn't necessarily a change that wouldn't effect me. My dominant gene is my European dad's, and as I realized that having a lack of ovaries meant vastly decreased estrogen levels, I realized I wasn't developing into a normal female, not just because when other people started complaining about their period and being jealous that I don't get one, but also with my facial features. I looked, and look, more masculine, in my opinion. We were in no position to fix this, we couldn't afford to buy female hormones for me. As I developed more, I found myself rather incomplete. I was low in most bodily hormones, and my libido was non existent. I began to spiral down into depression, anxiety, and intense dysphoria. I felt incomplete, like a piece of me was missing, and I looked like the furthest thing from being female, let alone Asian. My voice sounded like it was trying to decide whether to stay at it's high pitch, or deepen as it should be. Today, I have an alto-tenor voice with a two-octave range. As I began the stage in most peoples lives when physical sexual development began, my body somehow managed to give me a feminine figure, and I'll be honest, it felt attractive. This ended up being my only light in my dysphoria, that I may not have the perfect face, but I have a rather appealing body. My growth spurt hit hard as well. Being mostly European, I grew way above average. To put into perspective, I am currently 6 feet tall. Although this sucks, and I would much rather be short if i had the choice, there were some perks. Today, I am mostly out of my depression and anxiety, but my dysphoria still remains, naturally, and am sure it will stay for most of, if not the rest of my life.
So that's my story of how I lost my organs. Hope yall know what I'm talking about when I mention it every now and then now.
Resident Piano Queen
Youtube ► https://www.youtube.com/KannaKandy
Spotify ► https://open.spotify.com/artist/6UOye46L..._qKwA416qw
Youtube ► https://www.youtube.com/KannaKandy
Spotify ► https://open.spotify.com/artist/6UOye46L..._qKwA416qw
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